Weird Dimension

What do you see daily?

What do you feel?

What are you thinking?

Reality or Dreaming?

Everyone is living in their own World. Have ever wonder you are dreaming or awake?? I feel that everyone is living in their own dimension. Is like, the person you see is all untrue, even you, yourself is not true. Is like dreaming, the people in your dream is virtual. When you are awake, you are actually in another dream. Perhaps dreaming is just another dimension.

Everyone has their own dimension. For instance, person A talks to person B, person A might be thinking and interpreting in his or her own way and B in his or her own way. The meaning may be convey correctly but the path taken is totally different. Is like perhaps you are reading this note written by me, but this might not be true. Is like have you ever wonder the person you speak to really exist?

This is not insane or hallucination, this might be the real World. Perhaps the whole World, there is only you. The World with many dimension, dimension of different person. What I thought is not what you thought. What I've imagined and what I really wanted to give you in words, perhaps appear totally different in your mind. Is like I say there is a red house. Perhaps the red house of mine comes out in different shape and different intensity of red compare to yours.

I can never see things through your eyes. Perhaps you are fake to me, and I am fake to you. Is like nothing is real. The people you see is not real. May be the world is just a space which is empty, vacuum ...

~Panda~

"Animals" or "Plants"?

Sometimes, questions arise in the form of thoughts, circling in my mind ... Evolution is just a magnificent happening which give rise to some miracles, happiness and sometime disasters ~

Humans behavior, in general some signify animals and some plants(I do not know how true is this, but this is what comes to my thoughts), although Humans are the higher rank of animals, yet I uses plants, like grasses, trees and animals like tigers, cats or dogs behavior as simile.

Humans who signify for example Lions are like a king, strong, brave ... courages. Perhaps there is evil Lions too, who is wicked. Humans who is so, can speak their feelings, seek food, fight for weak or fight to protect oneself or everybody. There are motile mentally and physically.

On the other hand, those that signify plants, trees, remains silence, sometimes wonder are they present. Perhaps sometimes they wonder is there anyone who notice them. Trees, look at it, they don't shows any feelings, expression, thoughts ... is just a normal standing trees with leaves, those that do not study them, won't know what really happens inside them. What's happening between them ....

Humans, that symbolizes plants, are quiet not physically but in term of their mind. They don't opens and speak their thoughts, feelings because to them it would be too difficult to put them in words. Just like asking a tree to talk, they can't. As they are not evolve to do so. The only way to feel them is to feel rather than listen. Observed like scientist observe plants mechanisms. Then even though plants don't talk, you know there is transpiration, there is photosynthesis, you know plants gave oxygen, plants produces food, plants contribute to animals who uses oxygen, they important. Just like such person, you feel them.

That's what have thought, but How true it is? who knows, everyone is unique, everything is unique, perhaps plants do communicate is just tat we don't have the right frequency to listen. Right?

=)

~Panda~

Fine Art symbolizes My Love

Love is actually very subjective, different people may have different definition towards it ...

Love is like your far, is not my far, how far is far, to you might be 100 kilometers or miles but to me might be 100 meters or 1 centimeters.

This post is about how I define my "love" .... what I've really long for.

To common guys, assuming by just looking at their behavior, cause this is not proven, just a hypothesis of mine. So, to a common guy, perhaps they just wanted someone to accompany, and their love or happiness is just about going out and having fun with their partner, buy stuff and gives surprises to their love ones, but to me, merely that is not enough, some more I am not capable of doing that ~ haha~ A guy like me is just lame.

So, how fine art symbolizes my so-called love, why choose fine art??

Love, to me, is a fine art. Wonder have you ever step into a fine art shops, or go to a fine art exhibition or even step in front of a fine art hanging in any shop and really look at it or perhaps may be ever search in the internet about it ... Perhaps most of the people, at least people around me, would say it is boring, don't even know what it is about, like a kindergarten kids drawing ....

Not having a fixed image is the whole point why fine art is beautiful, because this is a way to deliver someone's emotion, feelings and thought. It must not limit how you think, how to put this in words ... hmm .... fixing you with something, for instance, if someone were to show you a picture of a car, then it is a car ... it can't be something else, it must be something related to car. However, fine art is like, there is no fixed idea, you may have totally different thought and feelings looking at it. Different people will have different perspective or feelings or different images may generate by looking at the same drawing ....

How the artist make the drawing wonderful, is how they put their feelings and emotions in it, that's how they shows their creativity ....

Love is something like a fine art, it is unique to every single one of us. We can't really put in words how wonderful it is, can't really describe how we thought of it, but it just happen ... sometimes the feelings is just there, and no words can speak of it .... and it is not only about I Love You, not about beauty, intelligent or any talent of each other ... is about something, that something ... you'll know when times come.

My Fine art (Love) ...

Fine art, is not the same all the time, sometimes it is beautiful in someplace but not in another. Beautiful not in term of physical appearance. Sometimes, you will like a fine art, you love it so much in a place but not in another. Sometimes, it just the ambiance that make you think you fall for the particular piece of art, but when you spend so much to get it home, then you realize, it is not nice at all placing at home .... then you keep it, start to feel it is just occupying space and at last you gave it away or may be thrown it away ... is like love, sometimes, you thought the person is the right one, but when times passes, it turn out not like what you've expected. Perhaps you didn't realize, you're the one choosing ... perhaps you should have design a place to put it and make it nice while making you house nice too, since you have bought it ....right? Hmm ... sometimes this is life and this is love ....

A person who really knows fine art, he/she would design a place for a piece of art, and then only he/she go to look for a suitable art for that particular space he/she had designed. By doing that, you could get the right feelings whenever it is ... You're actually making the ambiance to fit that art and that's the right way ~

Likewise, love, you should reserve a place for the love you wanted, and only you look for a person like what you always wanted to place in tat space, or you design a place for him/her before you actually make him/her your partner ... So, by this mean, you actually consider his/her imperfection and love him/her rather than looking at his strong point and love him/her.

This is what I think ~ however, I couldn't put everything into words, as there is still some very abstract thought or feelings which I haven't get a way to describe them...

Somehow, even you could tolerate the imperfection, there is still other factors, like the cost of the fine art, the availability of the fine art ... should bring into consideration ....

Sometimes, to have a relationship, you'll have to spend and make sure you are capable of that before you get into one ...

Lastly wishes you good luck and all the best, in being somebody fine art and also finding a suitable fine art to fill your designated space ...

Cheers ...

~Panda~

Something Dark Behind the Wall

Actually I plan to write this in mandarin, but due to I am not really good in expressing in mandarin, I end up writing this in English.

Sometimes, everybody have their problems, have their thoughts, their regrets and some words or feelings which can't tell when they wanted to ... which make them even more regrets ... same goes to me ~

These words are like torn in the heart, so somebody chat with their close friends to remove this so-called "torn" from their heart, some they find a psychologist, some they find family, etc... But to me, I find no one, and this is how I plan to remove them ... write them down.

Actually sometimes I am too desperate for something, but when I get there, I am indecisive ... this is where all the problems and troubles arise ....

In this note, I am going to talk about something related to my relationship all this while ... Which make me a absolute loser. I am a Leo, I don't believe in horoscope thingy but one thing about Leo which is very true is pride ... Pride is as important as their life .... no pride, no life ....

Remember there is once, during my teenage, around 18, I secretly admire a girl of my same age, I tot that I love her, but tat time, I am too immature to understand about relationship, I got mess up between liking and loving .... I am only 18 wat can I do to love or getting into a relationship. I can't even pay my own food, how am I going to take care of somebody, but I know care is not mainly from money, anyway minimal should have some cash right?! To buy gift at least ... treat ur partner once in a while ... bring her out for shopping and so on .... Time and cash should be the preliminary requirement right? hahah~ and I dun have both ... A student, where to get cash, a science student, where to get time .... unless, u got a very considerate other half right .... hahah~

Go back to the story, in a night where I feel very depress, I text this girl and I asked her, will I have any chance of getting into a relationship with her, haha ... ask such a question without doing anything, sure it will be a "No" hahah~ Thinking of it now, juz make me stupid, somemore I don't even feel like loving her but juz liking her, merely like a fren or may be a TV idol or something like tat .... In addition, relationship is not like in drama, ... Meeting her, Chasing her, been through sort of events, then be together and get married ... In reality, is like 10 times or 100 times longer than in drama, there is so many things include, merely " I like you" or "I love you" won't works .... U need a lot of love, include, considerate, care, tolerate and etc ... So many ... even the basic sharing and understanding is one of them ... tat's make me realize this girl is not really my girl but a mere desperation of getting a company ...

Come to second part .... This person teaches me lot of stuff. Make me realize even more ... She make me realize I dunno how to take care of a person ... Dunno how to show my care to a person .... Sometimes care is a very subjective term, sometimes I do care a lot, but i juz dunno how to show it, it is so subjective when u ask me, do you know how to take care of somebody, i can't even know how to answer ... because ur care and mine is totally different ... like ur red and my red might be totally two different thing. But this girl teaches me the care I need to show ... She indirectly show me that, care for myself and care towards others are different ...

I am truly in love with her, this is real, although i am a failure in this relationship but i do love her very much. She taught me, love and relationship is totally two different thing too .... Love doesn't mean u can be together, relationship doesn't mean ur partner is the one u love the most ... Relationship nid so many things, so many commitment ... both side must be mature, but true no one is perfect, but at least both party in a relationship must be clear of no one is perfect and understand the imperfection of each other ... Love is juz love, a feeling, it doesn't do a shit .... now u see a different between a relationship and love, love can't have relationship but relationship can have love ....

But even how much love i have, I wasn't mature enuf at that moment, end up we broke up ... and after breaking up, I make thing even worse as i am not perfect too ....

Our thing get worse, when the imperfection of hers are not tolerated, and I keep everything to myself too much, I seldom express ... Someppl may tot I dun care at all, but I do care a lot, juz tat I don't show it ....

There were this guy, who she care a lot, she sympathize .... and I knew it ... but thing that this guy do, has dis-confident me ... lowered my self-esteem and confident towards my role in this relationship ... This guy show some indication of woo-ing her ... I am so afraid, I am so depress ... but that couldn't show on my expression ... nobody knows cause I juz laugh it through ... like nth happens ...I know my imperfection, I juz wanna tell her, I am not perfect, but I wanna keep trying, cause tat is wat i promised, and I don't wanna break tat .... I try to look towards the positive side ... she keep telling me about the guy things ... Tat's might be a good thing, coz she still put me in her heart, but i couldn't see that, at that moment I am blind, blind by jealous, scared .... darkness fill my heart .... is like suddenly u felt so lonely ... but I don't wanna tell her that, I am afraid that I would limit her social ... I don't wanna that to happen, cause i might die any moment, if something would have happen to me and she might juz lost everything, I don't wanna that, I am juz a normal guy, I have a life span ... I don't wanna be her everything .... cause that might be too sad if i would have die all of sudden ... right ... She should have some close frens to keep her comfort ... to cheer her up when i am not around or i am force to leave ....

I said something wrong ....when jealousy blind me away ... I make her step to the wrong path ... I mess her up, she done something which make things worse ... I try to make it up to her, but everything is done, what is done is done ... there is no turning back ... I tried my best .. but relationship need both party ... so we juz break .... I done lot of thing trying to get us back together but it juz make thing worse, coz everytime she turn back, I can't find things normal ... So I let it go again ... but it is too cold when she walk far ..... I was too selfish tat time, I see only my feelings, but how about hers ... I might have hurt her very deep ... now tat I see, it was too late to realize .... perhaps this is meant to happen from the start ...

I wanna tell her that, I am sorry, but how much sorry I am, will juz make her feel even worse ....So, I juz let go ... Since freedom is wat she wishes for ... letting her go, giving her freedom, is the least I can do for her .... Since my love to her, can't do a shit but wounded her .... So, I juz let go ~ Hope everything would be fine for her, hope things would be better for her .... Perhaps sometimes, we been through different things, and she might not understand since I din talk much about myself ... since I dun own any close friends, I have plenty of buddies, but truthfully none of them is close friends ... they are good and great friends but not close ... since I never spoke of my problems ....

I am writing this, not because of telling those who read to treasure whatever and whoever ... I am not doing this kinda noble shit ... I am juz trying to let go of myself from the demon, from the nightmare .... and telling u guys out there, I do make mistake, I do feel sorry even i din speak it out ~

Lastly, I will make 2011 a new start, a new beginning ... If I could go back time, I wont get into any relationship so tat I dun make her life so miserable ....

I don't write this to get the girl back, because when something break, u get a new one, it is totally different even though it looks the same physically... isn't it ...

Don't take this as what noble shit, if u r a great guy u don't need to read this kinda shit story and feel sad or watever ... take the time and make ur relationship great okay .... I write this because I am failure in relationship and I am working hard to make things works ...

Hope you guys would find a great partner ~
For those who are in a relationship, it is not a game of love or juz three words " I Love You". It involve more than tat ... Be sure and clear and act mature ~ I mean mature ~

Blessed us ... Happy 2011

Take care ..

Panda ....