Replenished Candle

Talk about feelings, things and whatever object, time and so ... They are never permanent, not even us. People, soul and death is never permanent. Is just that we are so stubborn and make it permanent.

All of things appear in cycle. They need to be constantly replenished. So, if things are constantly replenished then it will be seem like infinite, seem like unlimited until the source of replenishment disappeared.

Take feelings, for example, Anger. You won't feel angry when there are nothing to angry about. However, when there is a source, your anger started to replenish and you feel angry, frustration, upset. If ones can detach from the source, making himself inert to the effect of this source then he shall detach from anger. For example, in a UV-Vis spectroscopy. When photon is shine onto the electrons or atoms at certain wavelength, some electrons are excited to another state of energy because they absorbed the energy. Likewise, when someone did something wrong, or spoil something of yours by accident, or may be accused you for somebody else mistake, this sources of anger shine onto you and started to affect you with their energy. However, if you are inert to this source, you try to forgive, suppress the energy level, you won't get angry (excited), you become like immune to anger, but in fact you didn't, you simply reflected them, or emitted them as soon as you came in contact with them. For instance, when someone spoiled your pen, then anger come to contact with you, but you feel it is just a pen so you forgive him/her .... then your anger is suppress or it is not enough to reach the threshold of making you angry. Another example, someone keep pissing you, making you annoyed, if you just take it as it is, ignore it, then anger will not reach you as well, cause you reflected or emitted it as soon as you came in contact with it ....

So, everything need a source, and if the source is gone, then it shall followed as well.

Feelings are so, it will only last if it is replenished.

Joel is a boy who born in the dark, he has never seen bright before, so he won't know what is bright and what is dark. If you only seem bright and never seen dark, then what is dark to you? You can't imagine it, you have no idea. Same to Joel, he has only seen dark, never bright, so he won't know what is dark and bright.

This boy, Joel, he is with his parent all along, and parent will have candles to light path in the dark, parent plan the time, plan everything. Then come, he is now grown up and here come his first station, from this first station, he has to walk his individual path. He is given a candle at first station. The guy at the station told him, light it up and walk the path carefully, beware of the time. At first, Joel don't even know what the fuck that meant and what the fuck that for. Then, he light up the candle and continue to the next station. Because, is the first time, so he didn't know, he has to reach the next station before the candle finished to able to get another candle and move to following station. Therefore, for the first time, he ran out of candle before arriving the next station, so candle is nowhere to be found and he has to walk and fall in dark til he reaches the next station. In this dark path where he run out of candle, he learn the importance of parent, he learn time is important, and he learn when something past we can make them return, even return, or walking backward, you won't be given a new candle, even given new candle, time will be different, candle will be different, nth will be the same. So, he learn something. In life, there is only one go, if you are careless, there is no return ticket, you can only walk and face all sort of difficulty. So, he walk and fall in this dark path, til he reach the second station. He is given a candle, and this time, he walk with planned time but he was caught in storm, and his candle dropped .... and he is so upset, but there were this pass by, allow him to walk together til he reach following station. This time, he learn, sometimes, friends are important, sometimes plan face uncertainty, life is uncertain, and sometimes we just need some help, we just have to ask for help from people. We might get something pretty helpful in return. He continues to walk and continue to learn ....

In this short story of Joel, we understand, Life is impermanence. Things need to be replenished. For example, candles are like hope, time, life span. We actually need to replenish them. Every station that give a candle to us, replenish all of that. They didn't make them return but they just refilled it. Light give us hope that we can move on in this dark cold path to another station to get another candle. Without this candle, how can we move on in the dark path, how can we keep ourselves warm with the candle light, so this give us life, prevent us from freezing. Time, we can say it is replenished by giving us another candle, Time of the candle burnt, Another candle replenishes the time allowed on the path with light. Short candle replaced with a long one, replenishes our time .... and many many more.

Life is one way ticket, it is calculated based on distance and not displacement. Distance of A to B and B to A will be (A+B) + ( B+A) while displacement will be (A+B) - ( B+A). In fact, you are going back to the same point, but you change, time change, people change, things can never be the same because of time will never be the same. Thus, it is logical to say path of life is distance traveled and not displacement. Move forward instead of moving back to replenish whatever thing you feel is a necessity but in fact is your wants.

In conclusion, what I wanted to tell is, from Joel story, if he used up the candle before reaching the following station, IF he turn back to the first station and get another candle because he is more familiar with the road he walked before, then he has to start again, and perhaps the next station is just a meter or 100 meter away. Is very near. Yet he make choices to go back so far and start again and being unsure he will reach the next station with the candle burning. Perhaps, when he retry he is 1 km away from the next station when the candle ended.

This tell us, don't stuck yourself in the past, afraid to walk in the dark? Then, you will never know what's next. Sometimes, in life, we got to roll a dice. Walking back in dark (may fall and get lost or whatever) to get a candle and walk the same path again yet unsure about what going to happen in the journey. For me, I rather try my luck and walk the 100 meters in the dark, may be within this 100 meters, I only walk 10 meters and I found someone with candle, so I can follow him/her to next station.

Hahaha~ However, life is your choice, you make the choice and you have to bare the consequences.

~Panda~

Love is one sided

Many times, we heard many people told their friends to express their love and grab on love and et cetera. They say if you love someone, you must tell them, let them know, if not you will regret when you miss your chance.

However, to me, love someone, I don't need to let people know. Because love don't need people recognition, but yours yourself. Love is one - sided until you make it a relationship then you need 2 love to make a relationship, where it equation is Love A + Love B = relationship. But if there is no relationship then relationship is zero, so Love A still can exist with -ve amount of Love B. Anyway, the equation is for fun.

To me, love can be one-sided, is like if you love someone, to get involve in a relationship with that person or not, is my choice, because the one who love him/her is me so is nth related or affecting him/her. Whether to tell him/her, is also my choice, because i am the one who fall for him/her.
If he/she has the same idea and wanted to express and get into a relationship with me then he/she will tell me and approach isn't it? hahaha ~ weird kind of thinking.

However, there are reason why I say so. Because I love him/her, and if I tell him/her, there will be a risk. May be he/she dun like you then you might scare people of and you might not meet again. I am really afraid of such thing. hahaha ~ So, I always choose to keep love to myself and just look at him/her from far far away, even i know about him/her, notice every move he/she make. Will just stay there at watch silently .... perhaps people will never realize, but why they have to right? I am the one who love.

Anyway, it is just mere opinion, every love is unique. Please go ahead and LOVE with you very own way, and that's make you really special ....

~ Panda~

Weird Dimension

What do you see daily?

What do you feel?

What are you thinking?

Reality or Dreaming?

Everyone is living in their own World. Have ever wonder you are dreaming or awake?? I feel that everyone is living in their own dimension. Is like, the person you see is all untrue, even you, yourself is not true. Is like dreaming, the people in your dream is virtual. When you are awake, you are actually in another dream. Perhaps dreaming is just another dimension.

Everyone has their own dimension. For instance, person A talks to person B, person A might be thinking and interpreting in his or her own way and B in his or her own way. The meaning may be convey correctly but the path taken is totally different. Is like perhaps you are reading this note written by me, but this might not be true. Is like have you ever wonder the person you speak to really exist?

This is not insane or hallucination, this might be the real World. Perhaps the whole World, there is only you. The World with many dimension, dimension of different person. What I thought is not what you thought. What I've imagined and what I really wanted to give you in words, perhaps appear totally different in your mind. Is like I say there is a red house. Perhaps the red house of mine comes out in different shape and different intensity of red compare to yours.

I can never see things through your eyes. Perhaps you are fake to me, and I am fake to you. Is like nothing is real. The people you see is not real. May be the world is just a space which is empty, vacuum ...

~Panda~

"Animals" or "Plants"?

Sometimes, questions arise in the form of thoughts, circling in my mind ... Evolution is just a magnificent happening which give rise to some miracles, happiness and sometime disasters ~

Humans behavior, in general some signify animals and some plants(I do not know how true is this, but this is what comes to my thoughts), although Humans are the higher rank of animals, yet I uses plants, like grasses, trees and animals like tigers, cats or dogs behavior as simile.

Humans who signify for example Lions are like a king, strong, brave ... courages. Perhaps there is evil Lions too, who is wicked. Humans who is so, can speak their feelings, seek food, fight for weak or fight to protect oneself or everybody. There are motile mentally and physically.

On the other hand, those that signify plants, trees, remains silence, sometimes wonder are they present. Perhaps sometimes they wonder is there anyone who notice them. Trees, look at it, they don't shows any feelings, expression, thoughts ... is just a normal standing trees with leaves, those that do not study them, won't know what really happens inside them. What's happening between them ....

Humans, that symbolizes plants, are quiet not physically but in term of their mind. They don't opens and speak their thoughts, feelings because to them it would be too difficult to put them in words. Just like asking a tree to talk, they can't. As they are not evolve to do so. The only way to feel them is to feel rather than listen. Observed like scientist observe plants mechanisms. Then even though plants don't talk, you know there is transpiration, there is photosynthesis, you know plants gave oxygen, plants produces food, plants contribute to animals who uses oxygen, they important. Just like such person, you feel them.

That's what have thought, but How true it is? who knows, everyone is unique, everything is unique, perhaps plants do communicate is just tat we don't have the right frequency to listen. Right?

=)

~Panda~

Fine Art symbolizes My Love

Love is actually very subjective, different people may have different definition towards it ...

Love is like your far, is not my far, how far is far, to you might be 100 kilometers or miles but to me might be 100 meters or 1 centimeters.

This post is about how I define my "love" .... what I've really long for.

To common guys, assuming by just looking at their behavior, cause this is not proven, just a hypothesis of mine. So, to a common guy, perhaps they just wanted someone to accompany, and their love or happiness is just about going out and having fun with their partner, buy stuff and gives surprises to their love ones, but to me, merely that is not enough, some more I am not capable of doing that ~ haha~ A guy like me is just lame.

So, how fine art symbolizes my so-called love, why choose fine art??

Love, to me, is a fine art. Wonder have you ever step into a fine art shops, or go to a fine art exhibition or even step in front of a fine art hanging in any shop and really look at it or perhaps may be ever search in the internet about it ... Perhaps most of the people, at least people around me, would say it is boring, don't even know what it is about, like a kindergarten kids drawing ....

Not having a fixed image is the whole point why fine art is beautiful, because this is a way to deliver someone's emotion, feelings and thought. It must not limit how you think, how to put this in words ... hmm .... fixing you with something, for instance, if someone were to show you a picture of a car, then it is a car ... it can't be something else, it must be something related to car. However, fine art is like, there is no fixed idea, you may have totally different thought and feelings looking at it. Different people will have different perspective or feelings or different images may generate by looking at the same drawing ....

How the artist make the drawing wonderful, is how they put their feelings and emotions in it, that's how they shows their creativity ....

Love is something like a fine art, it is unique to every single one of us. We can't really put in words how wonderful it is, can't really describe how we thought of it, but it just happen ... sometimes the feelings is just there, and no words can speak of it .... and it is not only about I Love You, not about beauty, intelligent or any talent of each other ... is about something, that something ... you'll know when times come.

My Fine art (Love) ...

Fine art, is not the same all the time, sometimes it is beautiful in someplace but not in another. Beautiful not in term of physical appearance. Sometimes, you will like a fine art, you love it so much in a place but not in another. Sometimes, it just the ambiance that make you think you fall for the particular piece of art, but when you spend so much to get it home, then you realize, it is not nice at all placing at home .... then you keep it, start to feel it is just occupying space and at last you gave it away or may be thrown it away ... is like love, sometimes, you thought the person is the right one, but when times passes, it turn out not like what you've expected. Perhaps you didn't realize, you're the one choosing ... perhaps you should have design a place to put it and make it nice while making you house nice too, since you have bought it ....right? Hmm ... sometimes this is life and this is love ....

A person who really knows fine art, he/she would design a place for a piece of art, and then only he/she go to look for a suitable art for that particular space he/she had designed. By doing that, you could get the right feelings whenever it is ... You're actually making the ambiance to fit that art and that's the right way ~

Likewise, love, you should reserve a place for the love you wanted, and only you look for a person like what you always wanted to place in tat space, or you design a place for him/her before you actually make him/her your partner ... So, by this mean, you actually consider his/her imperfection and love him/her rather than looking at his strong point and love him/her.

This is what I think ~ however, I couldn't put everything into words, as there is still some very abstract thought or feelings which I haven't get a way to describe them...

Somehow, even you could tolerate the imperfection, there is still other factors, like the cost of the fine art, the availability of the fine art ... should bring into consideration ....

Sometimes, to have a relationship, you'll have to spend and make sure you are capable of that before you get into one ...

Lastly wishes you good luck and all the best, in being somebody fine art and also finding a suitable fine art to fill your designated space ...

Cheers ...

~Panda~

Something Dark Behind the Wall

Actually I plan to write this in mandarin, but due to I am not really good in expressing in mandarin, I end up writing this in English.

Sometimes, everybody have their problems, have their thoughts, their regrets and some words or feelings which can't tell when they wanted to ... which make them even more regrets ... same goes to me ~

These words are like torn in the heart, so somebody chat with their close friends to remove this so-called "torn" from their heart, some they find a psychologist, some they find family, etc... But to me, I find no one, and this is how I plan to remove them ... write them down.

Actually sometimes I am too desperate for something, but when I get there, I am indecisive ... this is where all the problems and troubles arise ....

In this note, I am going to talk about something related to my relationship all this while ... Which make me a absolute loser. I am a Leo, I don't believe in horoscope thingy but one thing about Leo which is very true is pride ... Pride is as important as their life .... no pride, no life ....

Remember there is once, during my teenage, around 18, I secretly admire a girl of my same age, I tot that I love her, but tat time, I am too immature to understand about relationship, I got mess up between liking and loving .... I am only 18 wat can I do to love or getting into a relationship. I can't even pay my own food, how am I going to take care of somebody, but I know care is not mainly from money, anyway minimal should have some cash right?! To buy gift at least ... treat ur partner once in a while ... bring her out for shopping and so on .... Time and cash should be the preliminary requirement right? hahah~ and I dun have both ... A student, where to get cash, a science student, where to get time .... unless, u got a very considerate other half right .... hahah~

Go back to the story, in a night where I feel very depress, I text this girl and I asked her, will I have any chance of getting into a relationship with her, haha ... ask such a question without doing anything, sure it will be a "No" hahah~ Thinking of it now, juz make me stupid, somemore I don't even feel like loving her but juz liking her, merely like a fren or may be a TV idol or something like tat .... In addition, relationship is not like in drama, ... Meeting her, Chasing her, been through sort of events, then be together and get married ... In reality, is like 10 times or 100 times longer than in drama, there is so many things include, merely " I like you" or "I love you" won't works .... U need a lot of love, include, considerate, care, tolerate and etc ... So many ... even the basic sharing and understanding is one of them ... tat's make me realize this girl is not really my girl but a mere desperation of getting a company ...

Come to second part .... This person teaches me lot of stuff. Make me realize even more ... She make me realize I dunno how to take care of a person ... Dunno how to show my care to a person .... Sometimes care is a very subjective term, sometimes I do care a lot, but i juz dunno how to show it, it is so subjective when u ask me, do you know how to take care of somebody, i can't even know how to answer ... because ur care and mine is totally different ... like ur red and my red might be totally two different thing. But this girl teaches me the care I need to show ... She indirectly show me that, care for myself and care towards others are different ...

I am truly in love with her, this is real, although i am a failure in this relationship but i do love her very much. She taught me, love and relationship is totally two different thing too .... Love doesn't mean u can be together, relationship doesn't mean ur partner is the one u love the most ... Relationship nid so many things, so many commitment ... both side must be mature, but true no one is perfect, but at least both party in a relationship must be clear of no one is perfect and understand the imperfection of each other ... Love is juz love, a feeling, it doesn't do a shit .... now u see a different between a relationship and love, love can't have relationship but relationship can have love ....

But even how much love i have, I wasn't mature enuf at that moment, end up we broke up ... and after breaking up, I make thing even worse as i am not perfect too ....

Our thing get worse, when the imperfection of hers are not tolerated, and I keep everything to myself too much, I seldom express ... Someppl may tot I dun care at all, but I do care a lot, juz tat I don't show it ....

There were this guy, who she care a lot, she sympathize .... and I knew it ... but thing that this guy do, has dis-confident me ... lowered my self-esteem and confident towards my role in this relationship ... This guy show some indication of woo-ing her ... I am so afraid, I am so depress ... but that couldn't show on my expression ... nobody knows cause I juz laugh it through ... like nth happens ...I know my imperfection, I juz wanna tell her, I am not perfect, but I wanna keep trying, cause tat is wat i promised, and I don't wanna break tat .... I try to look towards the positive side ... she keep telling me about the guy things ... Tat's might be a good thing, coz she still put me in her heart, but i couldn't see that, at that moment I am blind, blind by jealous, scared .... darkness fill my heart .... is like suddenly u felt so lonely ... but I don't wanna tell her that, I am afraid that I would limit her social ... I don't wanna that to happen, cause i might die any moment, if something would have happen to me and she might juz lost everything, I don't wanna that, I am juz a normal guy, I have a life span ... I don't wanna be her everything .... cause that might be too sad if i would have die all of sudden ... right ... She should have some close frens to keep her comfort ... to cheer her up when i am not around or i am force to leave ....

I said something wrong ....when jealousy blind me away ... I make her step to the wrong path ... I mess her up, she done something which make things worse ... I try to make it up to her, but everything is done, what is done is done ... there is no turning back ... I tried my best .. but relationship need both party ... so we juz break .... I done lot of thing trying to get us back together but it juz make thing worse, coz everytime she turn back, I can't find things normal ... So I let it go again ... but it is too cold when she walk far ..... I was too selfish tat time, I see only my feelings, but how about hers ... I might have hurt her very deep ... now tat I see, it was too late to realize .... perhaps this is meant to happen from the start ...

I wanna tell her that, I am sorry, but how much sorry I am, will juz make her feel even worse ....So, I juz let go ... Since freedom is wat she wishes for ... letting her go, giving her freedom, is the least I can do for her .... Since my love to her, can't do a shit but wounded her .... So, I juz let go ~ Hope everything would be fine for her, hope things would be better for her .... Perhaps sometimes, we been through different things, and she might not understand since I din talk much about myself ... since I dun own any close friends, I have plenty of buddies, but truthfully none of them is close friends ... they are good and great friends but not close ... since I never spoke of my problems ....

I am writing this, not because of telling those who read to treasure whatever and whoever ... I am not doing this kinda noble shit ... I am juz trying to let go of myself from the demon, from the nightmare .... and telling u guys out there, I do make mistake, I do feel sorry even i din speak it out ~

Lastly, I will make 2011 a new start, a new beginning ... If I could go back time, I wont get into any relationship so tat I dun make her life so miserable ....

I don't write this to get the girl back, because when something break, u get a new one, it is totally different even though it looks the same physically... isn't it ...

Don't take this as what noble shit, if u r a great guy u don't need to read this kinda shit story and feel sad or watever ... take the time and make ur relationship great okay .... I write this because I am failure in relationship and I am working hard to make things works ...

Hope you guys would find a great partner ~
For those who are in a relationship, it is not a game of love or juz three words " I Love You". It involve more than tat ... Be sure and clear and act mature ~ I mean mature ~

Blessed us ... Happy 2011

Take care ..

Panda ....

Nonsense is Science

“A man of science is a guy who is scientific and logical.”

Perhaps this is what most people thought and agree. However, I think otherwise. To me, “a man of science” should be illogical, imaginative, creative, love nonsense, and perhaps with high curiosity.

Perhaps, let me explain to avoid any misunderstand between what I’ve thought and what you’ve interpret.

Illogical? Science? Doesn’t that make sense?! I must be crazy, but perhaps those that are crazy are potential scientist, unless you psychotic killers then it is a different stories.

Sometimes people says you are crazy because they can’t get what you are really thinking … May be ~ Okay come back to Illogical.

How to relate illogical in science when everything in science need prove? This is where nonsense comes in. When it is still illogical, it is nonsense, but when the illogic idea is proven then it becomes science.

Take an example, the Wright Brothers who have successfully invented a real airplane on 1903. Who at that time would believe that they really will success? Perhaps some would think that is a bullshit idea … and look now almost every time you gaze up to the sky, you can see airplanes flying up high.

Sir Issac Newton, who suggested that the Earth has gravitational force which hold all the objects on it. Who would believe that in his century? People use to think Earth is flat and not round. That nonsense Newton said, that crazy idea Newton has, have become a famous law or theory in physics.

Galileo galilei, who said that Earth is round. No one believes about that and thought that he is crazy. He has cause a bit issue and now it has become a facts. Nonsense of the community, an imaginary thought said by many, ends up to is a scientific fact.

Imaginative and creative, should be in advertising or some other field instead of science right? Hmm … if a scientist who can’t imagine is even worse than a blind eagle. Most of the thing in science are tiny and most of the time, when you are trying to find something new, you will need to imagine a little bit. Is like when you have a problem, and you need to solve the problem, the question, but the question is never been asked, so how are you going to solve it? There is no reality photo about it, so here is where you imagination comes into play. Sometimes, something can’t really be seen, like evolution, is impossible to witness right?!

Scientist, most of the time is detective. They track something that already happens. Whatever discovering we found now is already happening. So, it is impossible to turn back time and witness the beginning of those stuff, how they begin, how they have started. Hence, what we can do is just imagining what had happened, and what is really happening and what will happen. With only imagination might not works, creativity must play a role side by side. Imagine with creative might give us a better hypothesis and better image, sometimes helps in writing protocols.

So, that’s how imagination and creativity comes into play.

Nonsense, sometimes talking nonsense might give you some idea indirectly. For instance, we say plants are green. So, you might think why they are green? Chlorophyll is the answer but why some are red? So, nonsense might trigger your sense of curiosity. Sometimes, by thinking nonsense out of existing fact make new discovery, For instance, why some praying mantis is green? Why chameleon changes colours? Some might thought they are nonsense, some might say of course they are so because they are born like that. However, there are all scientific reasons and explanation behind them. If no one have every speak nonsense, I don’t think there will be any discovery or invention.

Perhaps curiosity and nonsense come hand by hand, who knows …

That’s all for this post, perhaps the example I gave may not be convincing enough, but the message in this post is very subjective, is like knowledge you can write it down, pass them in term of words but experience you can’t … this is more to experience and personal thought, is kinda difficult to express. However, hope there is no misunderstanding.

Regards

By,

~Panda~